Monday, June 18, 2012

I'm Back

Ok, I’m back, so call me drama queen, I’ll join the ranks.  Yeah yeah I know what you are thinking, wow, she was only gone a month, big deal everyone does that and whines about some lost love, catty girl fight, being treated unfairly, cheated on, stolen from, etc etc. then comes back.  Well without going into much details I will say I was disappointed and my feelings were very badly hurt and I didn’t have any intention of returning to SL when I left, as I felt like why bother after many hours and over 3 years in I had gotten to the point where it was hard to tell right from wrong, friend from foe, alt from primary, and reality from role play. 

 I did need a RL break and the break helped to clear my mind about these types of things and why SL should not be that big of a deal or make me feel badly when it’s supposed to be my play and rec time from my active first life.  I don’t make my living in SL and so to me it’s just my fun place.  I know some people DO make their RL living and have jobs in SL and I totally respect that and I know people who have formed very real friendships and have even married their SL partners and I understand  that it can happen and I’m happy for them.  But people use SL in different ways though.  I think for me it’s best to keep a certain distance and use it for fun and recreation.  I’ve always struggled a bit with this concept as I feel like I have developed REAL friends in SL, but it’s so hard to tell if someone is a REAL friend or not even if having known each other for years.  It’s hard to trust after seeing all the alts, lying, cheating etc that is so easy to do in SL and some people argue there are bad behaviors in RL too and people do all those things RL as well, but I still think SL can bring out the best and the worst in people sometimes because it’s easy to hide flaws and bad behaviors or easy to participate in deviant behaviors.  And really everyone has good and bad qualities in RL.  The most successful person in RL may not be in SL or might come in to relieve their dark fantasies they’d never act on in RL and a unsuccessful person with quite a mess in RL could come into SL and do very well for themselves.  And it’s just hard to tell what is going on, with no real visual cues, no good way to visit a friend easily or daily across the country or in another country as one might in RL, etc.   Even Skype or web cam won't show what is happening in the next room. 

 So, yeah, I just needed a reality check and to focus on what’s really important in my life.  That is not to say my SL friends are not important, as you are, very.  I have felt very loved, supported, educated, and entertained by my SL friends.  All the comments and messages have warmed my heart and are part of the reason I am coming back.  They remind me of one of the things I love about SL.   And I know there is so much good in SL too, such as companionship, art, music, education, entertainment, spiritual fellowship, philanthropy, and on and on.  I very much appreciate my SL friends. Tyty to everyone who commented.  

During my relatively short absence I caught up on a few things RL and made a few changes for the better. I normally keep very busy RL, but had more late evening time free and in RL I cleaned house more thoroughly, caught up on some sleep, got back to a regular exercise routine at the gym rather than hit and miss and am eating healthier, read the final two books of the Hunger Games, two Nora Roberts romance novels, one Stephen King horror story, two generic adventure and romance novels, and one Janet Evanovich bounty hunter 18 adventure, moved in my RL job to a new location which is for the better and I now have a coveted window office which I have not had for a while, took a little much needed road trip vacation and did some sight seeing and generally had more family time which I get a lot of anyway since there are so many relatives around. My time was also filled with all the normal busy business so the little extra time was good.  My calendar was filled with at least one if not several extra event almost every day after work for the past month and a half.  Things have slowed down a little again, so I’m ready to have some fun in SL.

I’m sure most people here don’t care about my RL but this is probably the first time I’ve ever mentioned much about my RL, as I tend to keep this all SL.  I felt a bit of an explanation was due since I left so abruptly.  In the end I missed my SL so will come back and balance my time more wisely, be more careful, and hopefully just be able to enjoy my time with less drama.  While I was gone I needed to get over some strong mixed emotions I had about some things in SL.  It took me a while but I think I am in a better place.  Although I wanted to come back about a week after I left I didn’t want to return with any unresolved feelings so waited until I felt I had my emotions under control and maybe more understood.  

Huge thanks to all who wished me well and cared enough to notice and comment.  It really is appreciated.  I know I should not take SL so seriously, which is an easy thing to say, but hard to do when  a person has feelings.  The only person hurt by me leaving though is me.   So I will continue to try to play as nice as possible and hopefully all will be smooth, but if not, I know it’s ok to take a reality break or even try another platform.  I see other long time SL people who are in a lot of hours occasionally take breaks and some say people always return if they have been in for many hours and love it so much in spite of any drama.   I know some come back as alts, but I don’t see any reason for that as it’s still me and I’m not out to deceive or hide and hopefully everyone will be nice.  I’m very very sorry if anyone worried and I know I should have come back in and responded to messages here, my e-mails, and in Flickr sooner but I really did feel like I needed a total break.  Seeing all the message reminds me there are so many good people, some who I do consider real friends and I’m so grateful for the support, fun times and kindness.

A friend told me the night before I left SL that I was one of the most normal people she'd met in SL, and my response was I have to leave to keep it that way.  I didn't imagine I'd be back.  But I've made my share of mistakes along the way and hopefully didn't hurt anyone in the process. For those I'm very sorry too.
Special thanks to Kathy, Emma, Jay, Brian, Ant, Da5id, Divi, and of course my RL sis, Lexi.  You each know why.  Anyway I'm back and now that I’m back as usual I want to see all the cool stuff I’ve been missing, but I will slow myself down and try to remember to balance it all. So call me just another drama queen, but I think I deserve a “pass” after 3 years and many hours in SL and only this one break.  Ok, enough of the drama mama I’m back..moving on. : )  It feels good to be coming back.   KT