Pass the Prozac Please

Dear Diary,
Wowza! I have had a roller coaster past few weeks in SL. I think most people have some extreme ups and downs in SL more so than in RL and it's the nature of the game, but it's been off the charts lately for me. Maybe I've become SL bipolar. I wanted to blame it on a full moon or PMS, but neither last this long and I guess I don't really get PMS like some do. Then at work I saw the following and found it coincidental:
You Might Have “Estrogen Issues” If:
-- Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
-- You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
-- Your spouse is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
-- You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: “How’s my driving-call 1-800-”
-- Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
-- Everyone seems to have just landed here from “outer space.”
-- You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
-- You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
-- The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday
Well, I'm not near the "estrogen issues" stage yet, so I think, Dear Diary, that maybe it's not me but just all the other guys and gals around me in SL. Yeah, Yeah, I know, guys don't really get "estrogen issues", well whatever.... just pass me the Prozac please!

My Alternate Identity Crisis

Dear Diary,
Here I am again as confused as ever in SL. I fear I am having an alt identity crisis, or maybe I am just being SL moody and obsessing again. Over time I have had friends talk to me on alts pretending to be someone completely different than themselves and not identify themselves to me as the av I know as my friend. This has caused me some frustration, a great deal of mistrust and disappointment, as well as embarrassment. I realize SL is "just a game" to some when convenient for them, but there are real feelings involved. Of course I have alts, as previously blogged, for movies, pictures, sometimes just to get some peace and quiet or do/wear/play something different and some people use them for store and club fillers, models, helping to build, etc. So there are many good reasons to have an alt, but I never mislead someone on mine. I mean.. with my guy I am quick to tell anyone that it's me and not a real guy and why I am on him, etc. I know people have other reasons for pretending to be someone completely different on an alt, but I can't think of one that seems ok and seems likely its for spying or hiding something. I have to say I have felt very "played" when not told upfront about alts. I wish all my friends would just tell me who their alts are and leave it at that. My alts are like a money pit actually, because no matter how many nice freebies I can find, I still want to buy them cool stuff too.

Note to self: Some possible signs of an alt:
-Have a very recent profile date, yet look very well put together with great skin, hair, clothes, AO, profile picks, etc. and knowledgable about all things SL.
-No payment info. on file yet still have many of the things listed above.
-Similar look/mannerisms/clothes, groups, etc. as someone else known.

Dear Diary, I really am pro alt, I just don't want to get played by them by people I think are friends. They confuse me too much. So what do you think Dear Diary, should I just go make a new alt to fool all my friends, mess with their minds, do dirty deeds? I have to wonder what the limit by LL is on the number of alts one person can have? Can I make an army of alts and take over the grid? Nah.. that wouldn't be nice and I doubt my computer could handle that. But... maybe one more just to dress up cool and play with?
Anyway, singing off, Kara.

Dear Diary ......

Dear Diary,
I'm so confused! Hi, it's me again. I'm writing this time because I am so confused. I mean, Is SL real? Or is it just a game?

I have many SL friends who say SL is very real, just a different part of their life. And so they talk on voice all the time, some skype, web cam, call on the phone and some even meet in RL. They talk about their RL and families, RL/SL work, etc., and socialize in SL like it is real. Some do RL fundraising in SL, bring in their RL art or some skill or job. Some work in SL and earn RL income from SL. Well, ok, I get all that, but then when so many people turn right around and do so many things they would never do in RL is that just like role play? I mean there are role play sims in SL where one can dress up different, act out in ways, but I'm not talking about that. And those places have rules, so you kind of know what is allowed or not and where you stand. But what I am talking about, as just one common example, is like when people get partnered or married even in SL, and they are truly in love with their significant other, and talk and act like a RL couple, communicate daily even about RL stuff. But then when their partner is offline they might end up with multiple other people and excuse it saying, "it's just pixels"... is that "just a game" then? That is confusing to me. So if NO ONE one cares then it's ok? But it seems in the end someone does care.. then it's real again, and look out drama. I guess all that can and does happen in RL too. But it's too easy in SL to behave different and get away with it justifying it by calling it a game when it's convenient. Well I also have friends who play SL as recreation only and don't want to talk about RL or voice or anything so as not to ruin their fantasy game world. I've found it seems the longer a person plays the more they seem to be ok with playing it "real", but also seem to be better able to have one foot in SL and one foot out, meaning they could walk away from individual dramatic situations, people or places in SL if needed to avoid drama without much trouble, although many have developed some long term real freindships.

Once I was called nosey and smothering.. ugghh... hard to believe because I move around so much, but I know exactly what was meant. I choose to call it curious and caring. I have to admit that when people get a little too clingy with me I am usually the first to run, so I understand the smothering part, but also know where it comes from. As for nosey or curious, well that is a given part of SL because again there are so many non-realities even when a person plays for "real". Secrets are kept, games are played, etc. And we can't really know most things to check it out, like we can in RL. There is also the issue of misunderstood words too when there is no face to face/eye to eye contact or real body language to read, especially when it's only typed narriative. But that is a whole other issue. Then there are the people married in RL playing single in SL, and not letting their RL spouse know what is going on with them in SL. So is it a game? Is it for real? It feels like both to me. I am very sure SL feelings will contiue to confuse me forever.

So then does anything really matter that much? I guess not, becuase it's "just a game".. whoops wait, no it's not, or is it? Maybe all the mystery is part of the fun or challenge of getting to know the score .. or maybe not? Well, Dear Diary, I'm not sure. I'm so confused!

Signing off, Kara